


SPN Coda 14x18 - "Absence"

by heylittleangel



Series: Supernatural Codas - Season 14 [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Saps, Comfort, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 12:15:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18446354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylittleangel/pseuds/heylittleangel
Summary: So, I didn't write a coda for 14x17 but I had no ideas, so I hope this coda compensates a little. I hope you all enjoy it!AndMal, thank you very much for being a lovely beta!





	SPN Coda 14x18 - "Absence"

**Author's Note:**

> So, I didn't write a coda for 14x17 but I had no ideas, so I hope this coda compensates a little. I hope you all enjoy it!  
> And [ Mal ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalMuses/pseuds/MalMuses), thank you very much for being a lovely beta!

When they get back to the bunker, Castiel sees Dean get some liquor and then go to his room, not bothering to talk to anyone. Not that he bothered to talk before, so Cas shouldn’t be surprised. Sam doesn’t look surprised either—he only sighs and goes to his room as well, leaving Cas standing alone in the war room.

Castiel walks into the library, his forehead puckered and sits in one of the chairs there. He looks at the table and sees the Winchesters’ marks there: D.W, S.W., and M.W. Cas feels tears gathering in his eyes and a sob on his throat. He swallows them and takes his gaze from the table; it only reminds him that it doesn’t matter how much he tries to be part of the family, he will never be, he is only a tool... and the second things start to go wrong, someone will always blame him.

Castiel sighs and stands up, deciding to take some books and do the only thing he can: read and try to find a way to track Jack down. He gets a few and puts them in a pile on top of the table. He then goes to the kitchen and gets some coffee, since it’ll be a long night. 

After he starts to read, he loses all notion of time, absorbed in the books he’s reading. Neither Sam or Dean come out of their rooms, which doesn’t surprise Castiel. Cas only takes his eyes of the book in front of him (his third already) when he feels discomfort in the calm zone of the bunker. Castiel is immediately up and looking around him, trying to find the source of that feeling. 

He closes his eyes and focuses his powers on the brothers, sensing the feeling coming from Dean’s room. He opens his eyes and sighs. He doesn’t know if he should check on Dean or if he should just leave him be. Sam seemed to want to let Dean be, which is why he stopped Cas from approaching Dean and trying to give him comfort earlier when they were burning Mary’s body.

The feeling starts to grow more intense and Castiel decides he can’t just stand there and feel all the pain Dean’s in; he needs to do something, even if it's just going there and hearing Dean say he doesn’t need help, that he is fine, like he always is.

Castiel takes a deep breath, preparing himself for how difficult it will be to try to talk to Dean and starts to walk in the direction of the man’s bedroom. He stays a few minutes just standing in front of the door, a painful expression on his face, his hand ready to knock but not having the courage to do it. 

When he starts hearing Dean complain, muttering something under his breath, he finally knocks on the door, with enough force to wake only Dean and not Sam too. The muttering stops and after a few seconds the door opens, revealing Dean with a tired expression on his face, eyes red and puffy. “What do you want, Cas?”

“I just want to help, Dean. I can feel you’re suffering.”

Dean scoffs, “Yeah, I think you already helped enough. Go away, Cas, I don’t need help.”

Cas’s body stiffs and he takes a deep breath, trying to keep his emotions locked, “Why do you always insist that you are fine and that you don’t need help when you always end up doing something you, or all of us, will regret? Are you really so arrogant to keep pretending like that? I’ve known you for ten years already and I can see your soul, Dean. I put your body together once, I know all your feelings. I know you’re not okay but you won’t let me help. Why?”

Dean’s shoulders slump and he sighs, “I can’t, Cas. I thought we were finally going to get some peace, or at least get some time to get ourselves back together after Michael and Nick, but things just keep happening, and I don’t understand why.”

Cas moves one step forward, getting closer to Dean, and puts his hand on the man’s shoulder. “Let me help, Dean. I know you are suffering and you don’t have to go through it alone. Especially because that suffering can be blamed on me.”

Dean shakes his head, “It’s not your fault, Cas.” Dean gives him space to enter the room, opening the door a little more. Cas takes his hand from Dean’s shoulder and enters the room, going to sit at the edge of Dean’s much-loved memory foam. Dean sits beside him. 

They stay quiet for a while, Dean sniffing sometimes, with his head down, like he doesn’t want Castiel to see his weakness. Cas takes a deep breath, “Dean, I am so sorry that I didn’t tell you about Felix before. I, I didn’t know how to approach the subject and I thought I could deal with it myself. I didn’t want to burden you and Sam even more. You don’t deserve it, either of you.”

Dean scoffs, “Cas, family is there to burden you. That’s what happens when you care about someone. But that burden is not something we complain about, because we care about them. I’m sorry for yelling at you too. It wasn’t fair and Sam put some sense into my head. I can’t blame you because if I do, I have to blame me and Sam as well. So either we are all guilty or we were just trying to do that right thing. But as usual, that ended up biting us in our asses.”

Cas gives Dean a small smile. “Yes, that usually happens.” They stay quiet for a little while again, when Cas breaks the silence, “I went to see Anael when I left.” Dean raises his head and focuses those green eyes on the blue ones. “She used to be Joshua’s right hand so I thought she could help me talk to God.”

Dean shakes his head, looking a little disappointed, “I thought you had given up on God coming back, Cas. I tried to pray to him when you died and you saw how that went.”

Cas hums in agreement, “I know but I thought maybe Joshua had an easier way to contact Chuck, something that we could be certain he would hear. Anael said that it wasn’t Joshua who talked to God, that it was Him who talked to Joshua, but that after the fall there were some rumors that Joshua was able to contact Chuck.” Cas takes the necklace from his pocket, “This was what he used.”

Dean takes it from Cas’s hand and examines it, “It looks like the Samulet,” Cas tilts his head, “When me and Sam went to a school that was having a Supernatural musical, that’s what the girl called it.”

Cas hums, “I tried to call Chuck but I didn’t get any response.”

Deans scoffs, “Of course not. Why would he worry about anything, right?” Cas looks at him in disapproval, “Sorry, I know he’s important to you.”

Dean gives Cas the amulet back and Cas puts it back in one of his pockets. 

He stands up and offers a hand to Dean, who looks at him with a cocked eyebrow. “I think I have something that can help cheer you up a little.”

Dean narrows his eyes at the angel but takes his hand and stands up too. Cas lets go of Dean’s hand (and that takes all the strength he has) and walk out of the room, going in the direction of the kitchen. Once there, he takes two mugs and pours coffee into them. He gives them to Dean and then gets some pie that is in the fridge. He then starts to walk again, going to the hidden door that gives access to the roof. 

They go up the stairs until they’re on the roof. There are some chairs and blankets and pillows there since Sam, Dean, Cas, Jack, and Mary used to go up there and sit under the bright sky, and talk and laugh and enjoy their lives as a family. Castiel sees a shadow of sadness cross Dean’s face but also a small smile, like he’s remembering all the good times they had there. 

They put some blankets on the floor, put some pillows on top of them and they sit on top of the covers, putting another on top of them. Each gets one mug (Dean’s says ‘Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole’—a custom birthday gift from Sam— and Cas’s has some bees and the phrase ‘Bee Yourself’ written on it. Dean gave it to him from one of the hunts he went with Sam after they got back from Purgatory) and they share the pie in silence, admiring the sky above them; it’s clear, with lots of stars and a full moon giving them light enough to see around.

They drink their coffee after they finish the pie and stay quiet even after they’re finished. Sometime after, they lay down with their heads on the pillows, their sides touching. 

After half an hour Dean breaks the silence, “You know, I never thought I was going to be able to have time with Mom after she died. A djinn created false memories on my head once, with her in it, but not even close to how it was to have the real her. I got her for two years and then we got Dad for a day and I could pretend that we were a happy family. Without monsters, apocalypses, archangels, just the four of us, the way it should have been.” Dean wipes a tear off his face and turns his head to face Castiel. “She really is at peace there?”

Cas turns his head as well, staring at Dean’s beautiful green eyes, “She is. And I think more than she could ever be here. She loved you both but this wasn’t what she was meant to be. She wanted to be with your father and have the peace she sought her whole life. And she got that in Heaven, Dean. I know it must be painful for you to have to lose her again, especially with these circumstances, but she is happy and she needs that happiness. She suffered a lot here.”

Dean sniffs and stares at the sky again, trying to hide his tears from the angel. “It makes me feel better to know she is happy there. That’s all I wanted for her.”

Cas sighs, “I know and she has that now.”

Dean smiles, “Yeah, she really does.” They stay quiet for a while, Dean staring at the sky and Cas staring at Dean, memorizing all the freckles on his face, the little marks that are starting to show with age but only make Dean look more beautiful than before.

After ten minutes Dean gives a small laugh, “Remember that time that we found her in the middle of the night in the kitchen, eating chocolate because she said she missed it? And there were lots of candy wrappers there?”

Cas smiles, “Yes, I remember. We sat with her and started to eat chocolate and laughed until Sam got there and gave us a lecture about being up in the middle of the night laughing and eating chocolate.”

Dean tears his gaze from the sky and looks at Cas, “Until we convinced him to sit with us too. We stayed there until morning, just talking and laughing. It was really nice.”

Cas nods, “It was. Remember when we went to Sam’s room to mess up his things and she found us?”

Dean laughs, “Yeah. I thought she was going to lecture us but she ended helping.”

Cas laughs with Dean, nodding. They stay up most of the night, remembering the best memories they have with Mary. And Dean has to admit, Cas had a great idea of how to cheer him up.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on tumblr as gii-heylittleangel!


End file.
